Dammit

The gut-wrenching stress never stops.  The wire transfer hasn't showed up, nor has my truck.

The carrier shut my card down, so Korena can't even use her escrow to send me money through it.

Told Kate this morning im out of money for the hotel.  She told me that and left me hanging.

I dealt with the hotel guy.  He'll trust me.  It helped that I gave him a copy machine and tipped him heavily for picking me up and that he's had time to know I'm a good person.

But this sucks.  What if a digit was wrong on the transfer?  How long will the wire take? 

I deliberately waited for Kate to ask me for my bank info and stuff, but in the back of my mind: What if I'm screwed?  What if they took my money and...well they're women, ain't they?

Doubtful.  I owe her too much.  If she did that to me, she knows I'd never repay her.  I need to drive a truck for her to get her her money back, plus with a good truck I'm her best producer.

I mean, I tried 10 days ago to letting me break off and drive a company truck.  Offered to sign a contract with her to repay her first, and return to her in better shape in 6 months or so.

She doesn't want to let me go, even temporarily.  I haven't processed it all yet, but that's at least partly because she assumes she'll get shafted any time she loses control, even with a contract, and even with me.

See I understand her.  But another part of this is she likes me because I produce and solve my own problems usually and with a reliable truck I'm like a commission-generating robot.

That's what all dispatchers want.  I knew that when I started.  Some drivers complain a lot, or want to talk a lot, or can't make or cover a cheap repair without bugging you about it.

I'm rare, Ed.  Some guys are better, because they can replace their own turbos and stuff, but I outrun damn near everybody, am great with customers, and overall am damn near perfect.

...including letting them blame me for stuff that's not my fault and being their "its not fair" shrink and being a pro and not WASTING TIME, WORDS, OR EMOTIONS arguing with or harassing them until ITS URGENT OR AT LEAST NECCESSARY.

That doesn't help me now.  I miss being independent.  This is why I insisted on 1k out of the 4k price for my truck.

NOW, I can't be absolutely sure of that wired money.  I don't know when it will show up.  It was sent on the 25th.  It's the day after Thanksgiving.  It's not there YET.  My new truck isn't here.  Will it be here Monday?  

I emailed Kate at 7 am today: Send the truck to me.  If I have to go to it its 2 cab fares and a bus ticket you'll have to pay.  The hotel guy will charge me daily to store my stuff and I'll have to come back here first.  It will take another day at least and keep at least a trailer and more likely a trailer and load off my first settlement check.

I made SURE not to mention my own difficulties, because Kate, if not Korena, is impervious to that, and would skip past my manipulative "rationalizations" to...

Nevermind but i got a handle on kate too.  Kate is an attorney, and she works for the feds. Nuff said?

Nah neither sister is a monster or anything, but Kate is helping her sister out, and has already had to involve her surgeon-husband into bailing me out for repairs, and loaned Korena money to help HER deal with my problems.

Korena took over the family business, and has the longstanding relationship with me.  Kate considers me as kind of an adopted child, and I know they've argued about me.

Ed, she's got my records and kept the parasites off me, and through her I'll get serious advocacy when I can pay for it, but she's a good person and a great agent over and above that, and I'm in as good a place as I can be under the circumstances.

Meanwhile, I'm focusing on draftkings, TV, beer, free amazon videos,blogging, and anything else I can find to avoid this ongoing oppressive crushing worry and stress.

Since the start of the season I've put 75 bucks into draft kings.  At this moment I got 25 bucks alive.  I resent that you resent this, because all the research and stuff I do keeps me SANE, OK?

Congrats on paying off your house and happy T-day.  Buy silver, guns, and nonperishable food.  We are at war and are importing enemies.

I'm not crazy.  I told you.  I knew.  I know.  Reality is what it is.  If you wait for the two by four, you're dead.