The rental company won't accept cash and requires a non-profit credit card.
They're sending me a money order for 300.00.
She's talking about a bus or a plane again. There are no stations or airports anywhere near here.
Korena just called and wasn't a bitch. She might come get me and take me to a bus/train station or airport.
That's not as bad for her as it would have been for you. I was considering an emergency contingency: you bring me back to Cleveland and I get on a bus there. A plane would work better but I have my GPS thing and wires and plugs and stuff they might not let me take.
Korena said if she comes and gets me she can take the bulk of my stuff back to Delaware with her.
That's ideal since I have to go there with the truck anyway, and can pick it all up without wasting time and miles.
The money order which won't get here before Friday means I'm here til at least Sunday.
That's fine since I'm still limping/healing my ankle.
Anxiety kept me up all night again. It gets intense when I'm about to make a move and expect something to go wrong again. My brain won't shut down. I guess my subconscious perceives a threat.
Korena shouldn't have so much power over me, but the calm, reasonable way she spoke to me was reassuring.
I must confess that I was still thinking about the easy way out. For the rest of my life now, it will always be there for me.
But I feel better now. I know that with you and G, I'm not really alone, but for awhile felt not only alone, but despised and abandoned.
If I had known this stuff would take so long, I would have been looking for work on my second or third day here. I am lazy, but hate owing anybody anything, begging for money, feeling helpless and dependant. I would have worked to avoid it.
But I was supposed to be out of here and in a new truck any time now, so what was I supposed to do?
Anyway, I didn't go to the bar last week like I said I might, but might this time. Maybe Saturday.
Korena even asked me about that, and assumed (and accepted) that I had.
Yeah this was Good Korena. Like I said, she's not really evil.
If she comes and gets me, I'll have a rare opportunity to talk to her in person. This is when I will ask her all the questions I need to ask her. She can't turn it into a fight face to face, or say "gotta go" and hang up. All she can do is try to change the subject.
Anyway, the wheels are starting to turn. I see a glimmer of light. You have been a big part of that.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Friday, January 22, 2016
Healing
Still pretty much a cripple, but 24 hours mostly in bed has helped. I've mastered my pvc pipe, and found out that if I don't roll my right foot I can get around a little better.
I got some white bread and jelly from the office, and get tang and a little milk there for calcium and vitamin c, but I need real food to heal.
Kate, almost predictably, has not yet paid my hotel bill, probably because she suspected I might get some money out of it.
But thanks to my not spending a dime for two days I had 27 bucks.
Walking to the truck stop on these feet is still out of the question, so I ordered a large pizza. With the tip it will cost me 22.00, but will last me through the weekend (I don't eat much). I get some calcium, protein, and vitamin c, and can just stay off my feet mostly.
Since I smashed my big toe under a plow blade, I've never been this maimed for this long. This is worse, because my "good" leg is also injured. But the good leg should be better by Monday.
Korena called and we were all business. I didn't say thank you.
I already knew I wouldn't get any money until my first or second check, but I get a toll allowance until I have my device.
Pizza here. Ate one very small slice. Full.
I got some white bread and jelly from the office, and get tang and a little milk there for calcium and vitamin c, but I need real food to heal.
Kate, almost predictably, has not yet paid my hotel bill, probably because she suspected I might get some money out of it.
But thanks to my not spending a dime for two days I had 27 bucks.
Walking to the truck stop on these feet is still out of the question, so I ordered a large pizza. With the tip it will cost me 22.00, but will last me through the weekend (I don't eat much). I get some calcium, protein, and vitamin c, and can just stay off my feet mostly.
Since I smashed my big toe under a plow blade, I've never been this maimed for this long. This is worse, because my "good" leg is also injured. But the good leg should be better by Monday.
Korena called and we were all business. I didn't say thank you.
I already knew I wouldn't get any money until my first or second check, but I get a toll allowance until I have my device.
Pizza here. Ate one very small slice. Full.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Hurting
Now I get dizzy when I stand up. I hope it passes, but am afraid I got one of those balloons in my head now.
Standing up is hard. My right ankle screams at me. I tried to walk to the store next door with some pcv pipe Mac gave me and turned around half way there. My head was spinning.
Great. Well I ate some cereal, drank some tang, and brought some bread and jelly back to the room. I'm going to try to stay off my feet as long as possible.
Feet plural because my left ankle is also injured. Just not as badly.
Well they did seem to get slightly more mobile after I had limped around awhile. I still need a walker, really.
If I don't get better, I'll have to do something. I mean I might be disabled (for awhile).
Well I accidentally filed with a disability law firm when I was trying to get unemployment so I'll talk to them when they call me and call social security if I need to.
Shit. Ill do anything to avoid telling Korena that. She'll put me over the edge again.
Hey if this thing in my head pops you know the deal. Let me go.
Standing up is hard. My right ankle screams at me. I tried to walk to the store next door with some pcv pipe Mac gave me and turned around half way there. My head was spinning.
Great. Well I ate some cereal, drank some tang, and brought some bread and jelly back to the room. I'm going to try to stay off my feet as long as possible.
Feet plural because my left ankle is also injured. Just not as badly.
Well they did seem to get slightly more mobile after I had limped around awhile. I still need a walker, really.
If I don't get better, I'll have to do something. I mean I might be disabled (for awhile).
Well I accidentally filed with a disability law firm when I was trying to get unemployment so I'll talk to them when they call me and call social security if I need to.
Shit. Ill do anything to avoid telling Korena that. She'll put me over the edge again.
Hey if this thing in my head pops you know the deal. Let me go.
Dammit
I failed. I couldn't find a strong anchor for my belt so I wedged it between the bathroom door and upper jam. Looped belt around neck and leaned forward.
Woke up on floor adrenalized, trying to fight somebody. When I passed out and the belt took all my weight it came loose. I went face first into the trash can. Smashed it up.
Tried three more times. Then Kate texted. I go for truck Monday and she's paying the bill. I already know I don't appreciate anything so I'm liberated. Hard to appreciate people who blame you for everything and treat you like shit.
Anyway I look like I went a few rounds. Got cool new scar on eyelid. This one should be visible.
Ill tell anybody who asks I got it boxing. It's only a semi-lie because it extends from the old scar.
Still dizzy. Hope I didn't lose too many iq points.
Anyway I still feel doomed but I'll give it a shot. I can always hang myself in my cell...I mean her truck if it gets too unbearable.
I'll try my best to hang around long enough to repay you with interest. Maybe it'll be better than I expect. Maybe once I'm generating income she'll stop torturing me.
Mac told her 280 bucks so I'll get some money in my pocket. Enough for maybe watching a playoff game at the bar and to avoid starvation for a couple weeks (no advances. Slow checks. Small first check).
Don't look at me like that. 20 fucking bucks jeez like I'm Johnny Manziel or something I spent a grand total of 3.00 the last 2 days for food. Make my own tea. I'm in hell don't begrudge me 3-4 tall ones I just almost died 4 times for a reason have some fucking mercy.
Screwed up my ankle. I'm guessing it's a high sprain. It's swelling up. I can't flex it. Yeah I was really out cold.
Amazing how sudden it is. I expected to just sort of slide into sleep, but you go out in a blink.
No I didn't subconsciously sabotage it. There were no available anchors and I couldn't afford a bunny cord. The damn door wouldn't lock closed.
No I'm not fishing for sympathy or trying to make anybody except Korena feel guilty.
I don't need counseling either. It's bushido. I have failed, and see no way to redeem it. Ain't gonna stick a sword in my guts though. Man they're badasses ain't they?
Maybe I can redeem it. Cal ark called and approved me. Maybe after I pay her back and I'm not under her thumb I'll ask her all the tough questions and either get my taxes done or get my receipts and whatever she's done back and go somewhere else.
I want to go back to Cal Ark bad. I'd make similar money but the people and facilities and routes are great. It was fun there.
I hauled calark loads and trailers as an owner-op for Central Hauling.
Maybe there is a glimmer of light, if I can just take out those bushwackers...
It's probable that because I'm now her employee she'll get moving on the books again...and resume charging me 250/week for it. Since its about assets and not income, I'll remain in non-collection status as long as I don't accrue meaningful savings. Given my current debts and the need for a laptop and stuff that won't happen for awhile. Ill be directing some to my ira too...I'm that age see?
It will take awhile to repay you, but at least your bank can remain closed to me.
Yeah, most likely I'll soldier on. Calark's approval of me really helped my perspective. Apparently my csa scores didn't dissuade them (and yes she might be lying to me but I doubt it. No tangible motive except to make me feel bad).
I had expected a rejection, see? I was terminated from Central three marks on my combined license and DAK report (dak is where companies tell everybody you suck). They wanted to keep me but their insurance company runs a really tight ship. I don't blame either of them).
USA is okay but Calark is great. Yes I definitely see a glimmer.
Hey in case: I know Matt doesn't do taxes but he might know somebody so axe him ok? I don't have to take on all this extra shit now and when I do it means war with Korena, and by now I suspect that even you are beginning to understand the "why"'s of this.
And don't be like them and remind me of all that stuff I already know like I should have filed so it's my fault and I shouldn't have trusted her blah blah it's insulting. I have my weaknesses but they're psychological, not mental.
Just in case: I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING BOTH OF YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. I AM SORRY I HAD TO DRAG YOU DOWN WITH ME. THANK YOU. I MEAN IT. YES I DO. NO REALLY. I DO TOO! HONEST!
Most of all, thank you for not kicking me when I was down, or telling me I'm an asshole, or calling me a liar.
If anybody else ever reads this, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
Woke up on floor adrenalized, trying to fight somebody. When I passed out and the belt took all my weight it came loose. I went face first into the trash can. Smashed it up.
Tried three more times. Then Kate texted. I go for truck Monday and she's paying the bill. I already know I don't appreciate anything so I'm liberated. Hard to appreciate people who blame you for everything and treat you like shit.
Anyway I look like I went a few rounds. Got cool new scar on eyelid. This one should be visible.
Ill tell anybody who asks I got it boxing. It's only a semi-lie because it extends from the old scar.
Still dizzy. Hope I didn't lose too many iq points.
Anyway I still feel doomed but I'll give it a shot. I can always hang myself in my cell...I mean her truck if it gets too unbearable.
I'll try my best to hang around long enough to repay you with interest. Maybe it'll be better than I expect. Maybe once I'm generating income she'll stop torturing me.
Mac told her 280 bucks so I'll get some money in my pocket. Enough for maybe watching a playoff game at the bar and to avoid starvation for a couple weeks (no advances. Slow checks. Small first check).
Don't look at me like that. 20 fucking bucks jeez like I'm Johnny Manziel or something I spent a grand total of 3.00 the last 2 days for food. Make my own tea. I'm in hell don't begrudge me 3-4 tall ones I just almost died 4 times for a reason have some fucking mercy.
Screwed up my ankle. I'm guessing it's a high sprain. It's swelling up. I can't flex it. Yeah I was really out cold.
Amazing how sudden it is. I expected to just sort of slide into sleep, but you go out in a blink.
No I didn't subconsciously sabotage it. There were no available anchors and I couldn't afford a bunny cord. The damn door wouldn't lock closed.
No I'm not fishing for sympathy or trying to make anybody except Korena feel guilty.
I don't need counseling either. It's bushido. I have failed, and see no way to redeem it. Ain't gonna stick a sword in my guts though. Man they're badasses ain't they?
Maybe I can redeem it. Cal ark called and approved me. Maybe after I pay her back and I'm not under her thumb I'll ask her all the tough questions and either get my taxes done or get my receipts and whatever she's done back and go somewhere else.
I want to go back to Cal Ark bad. I'd make similar money but the people and facilities and routes are great. It was fun there.
I hauled calark loads and trailers as an owner-op for Central Hauling.
Maybe there is a glimmer of light, if I can just take out those bushwackers...
It's probable that because I'm now her employee she'll get moving on the books again...and resume charging me 250/week for it. Since its about assets and not income, I'll remain in non-collection status as long as I don't accrue meaningful savings. Given my current debts and the need for a laptop and stuff that won't happen for awhile. Ill be directing some to my ira too...I'm that age see?
It will take awhile to repay you, but at least your bank can remain closed to me.
Yeah, most likely I'll soldier on. Calark's approval of me really helped my perspective. Apparently my csa scores didn't dissuade them (and yes she might be lying to me but I doubt it. No tangible motive except to make me feel bad).
I had expected a rejection, see? I was terminated from Central three marks on my combined license and DAK report (dak is where companies tell everybody you suck). They wanted to keep me but their insurance company runs a really tight ship. I don't blame either of them).
USA is okay but Calark is great. Yes I definitely see a glimmer.
Hey in case: I know Matt doesn't do taxes but he might know somebody so axe him ok? I don't have to take on all this extra shit now and when I do it means war with Korena, and by now I suspect that even you are beginning to understand the "why"'s of this.
And don't be like them and remind me of all that stuff I already know like I should have filed so it's my fault and I shouldn't have trusted her blah blah it's insulting. I have my weaknesses but they're psychological, not mental.
Just in case: I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING BOTH OF YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. I AM SORRY I HAD TO DRAG YOU DOWN WITH ME. THANK YOU. I MEAN IT. YES I DO. NO REALLY. I DO TOO! HONEST!
Most of all, thank you for not kicking me when I was down, or telling me I'm an asshole, or calling me a liar.
If anybody else ever reads this, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
This is good bye
I revoke Korena O'Cains power of attorney. I paid her to take care of my taxes and she did not. I paid her 3000.00 from the sale of my truck (and had to scratch and claw and take massive abuse to get the thousand I reserved to myself).
You guys have my email, but I want to make sure: You get the kindle and cellphone. Everything is in there.
Preceding post and email specifies my will. I confirm here.
I tried to get rid of the truck to drive somewhere else before the last two repairs, but she wouldn't let me. She didn't trust me to repay her. Her stubborn myopia incurred the bulk of her extant problems.
If I couldn't drive a truck, I was going to get any job I could. I offered to sign an agreement to repay her what I owed at that time. No go.
Why did I not just leave anyway? For the hundredth time, she has all my receipts!!! She owns me!!!
I am a machine. I broke. She fixed me. Unfortunately I, unlike a machine, have feelings. I can't adequately describe the torture she's subjected me too, or how utterly hopeless I feel at the prospect of being her indentured servant.
There is no light at the end of this tunnel.
Good bye.
You guys have my email, but I want to make sure: You get the kindle and cellphone. Everything is in there.
Preceding post and email specifies my will. I confirm here.
I tried to get rid of the truck to drive somewhere else before the last two repairs, but she wouldn't let me. She didn't trust me to repay her. Her stubborn myopia incurred the bulk of her extant problems.
If I couldn't drive a truck, I was going to get any job I could. I offered to sign an agreement to repay her what I owed at that time. No go.
Why did I not just leave anyway? For the hundredth time, she has all my receipts!!! She owns me!!!
I am a machine. I broke. She fixed me. Unfortunately I, unlike a machine, have feelings. I can't adequately describe the torture she's subjected me too, or how utterly hopeless I feel at the prospect of being her indentured servant.
There is no light at the end of this tunnel.
Good bye.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Screech!
She called. It's tomorrow now. I started telling her I needed to pay rent, and she jumped me with her no money shit.
It's not her fault. I did this and that for you you don't appreciate anything
For crying out loud I'm desperate what the fuck. She's talking about me trying not to get kicked out like some kind of fucking insult. God I can't stand this shit! Now I'm supposed to drive HER truck?
I told her when she started her usual insulting, degrading, self-righteous rant that I would hang myself if I got evicted, and she says "don't give me your shit" and resumes ranting.
I hang up on her. She calls back and resumes ranting. I don't appreciate anything. The last thing I yelled before I hung up on her was "God Dammit yes I do!"
Buncha shit. I went ahead and applied to a couple companies, and for unemployment, but it's too late.
I'm not bluffing. Read my earlier entries and save my emails. Tomorrow might be the end for me.
She doesn't give a shit about me or the situation I'm in. I appreciate everything she did for me, but she was protecting me as an asset. I'm sick of being insulted and repeating thank you thank you yes I do honest no really and getting this shit over and over again.
No she's not a bad person. And I'm sure Kate is a good mommy and stuff. But my God...My God are you getting sick of me bitching about it? Well multiply that by a hundred and I CAN'T JUST LOG OFF!!!
Kate texted. She'll fax paperwork in the morning then do my "travel arrangements". I was thinking they wouldn't believe me. The prospect of losing a driver must alarm them enough that they might shake 40 bucks loose to make sure.
Did you read that? 40 -bucks, after all those repairs?
And all those csa points were all my fault, of course. Doesn't matter that Northern Steel fabricated half of it. We can't check our own brake lights. We can look at the brakes but not determine if they're still properly adjusted. It's not even possible without a caliper and two people. We get inspected every 15,000 miles, or after we've had to brake extra hard, or if we feel a vibration or see uneven wear (you get it).
Fifteen thousand miles. Not weekly. Weekly is a waste of time and money.
She says it's to make sure the truck is kept clean. I don't mind being compelled not to be a slob because that's good for me, but what tf-- is she going to have mechanics check to see if my bed is made? Is she going to make me go to Delaware so she can look inside?
If she has me send pictures, I can handle it. But jeez...wow.
Kate texted that Korena didn't want to talk to me. Good. I emailed Kate my situation. If she does the smart thing, I will rent a car tomorrow and leave. If they're determined to save 300 bucks, she'll either have to pay more rent while her lost revenues pile up, or lose me.
And she thinks if I let her manage my money I'd have a lot more of it.
Of course, she might not pay. In which case, I can't express how sorry I am, and hope you forgive me.
I haven't eaten today. No appetite.
Anyway just in case, you'll find everything on my kindle. I have a little left in draftkings and am in a tournament. As you know, with my luck I will win post-mortem.
I hereby leave everything I own, and grant access to all accounts to my brother Richard Edward. He can be executor if I have to have one. Please repay G if you can. G I'm sorry.
See VA about funeral. Burn me. Sprinkle my ashes somewhere. Put "Here lies Murphy" on my headstone if there is one (I don't care).
Not sure where I'll go, but I can't believe I'll just stop. Don't believe in Hell. Except here, now.
I kind of think we sort of get absorbed into what we call God or the Force or whatever, and get born again maybe. Maybe we get second and tenth and seventy fifth chances and stuff.
Did I say I was sorry? Well I am. I've said that to Korena around 400 times, and no longer mean it. The money my truck (NOT I DAMMIT) cost her is a small payback for her vicious cruelty to me when I was at my lowest point. Please see if you can use her.
She saved me from prison? I told her how! She was supposed to get my taxes done and didn't. I paid her a small fortune for it already. She uses me as a whipping boy. She tortures me. I'm sick of getting fucked over then getting blamed for getting fucked over and kicked and stomped on when I'm down. I'm sick of trying to get up again and again and again and every fucking time getting blamed for it. I APPRECIATE IT YOU FUCKING VICIOUS RELENTLESSLY CRUEL BITCH.
Well hopefully this isn't my last entry. If Kate doesn't cover me I'll call local churches. I do want to see if I win in fantasy, and to watch the Browns next season, and of course to pay all my debts.
If not, good bye.
It's not her fault. I did this and that for you you don't appreciate anything
For crying out loud I'm desperate what the fuck. She's talking about me trying not to get kicked out like some kind of fucking insult. God I can't stand this shit! Now I'm supposed to drive HER truck?
I told her when she started her usual insulting, degrading, self-righteous rant that I would hang myself if I got evicted, and she says "don't give me your shit" and resumes ranting.
I hang up on her. She calls back and resumes ranting. I don't appreciate anything. The last thing I yelled before I hung up on her was "God Dammit yes I do!"
Buncha shit. I went ahead and applied to a couple companies, and for unemployment, but it's too late.
I'm not bluffing. Read my earlier entries and save my emails. Tomorrow might be the end for me.
She doesn't give a shit about me or the situation I'm in. I appreciate everything she did for me, but she was protecting me as an asset. I'm sick of being insulted and repeating thank you thank you yes I do honest no really and getting this shit over and over again.
No she's not a bad person. And I'm sure Kate is a good mommy and stuff. But my God...My God are you getting sick of me bitching about it? Well multiply that by a hundred and I CAN'T JUST LOG OFF!!!
Kate texted. She'll fax paperwork in the morning then do my "travel arrangements". I was thinking they wouldn't believe me. The prospect of losing a driver must alarm them enough that they might shake 40 bucks loose to make sure.
Did you read that? 40 -bucks, after all those repairs?
And all those csa points were all my fault, of course. Doesn't matter that Northern Steel fabricated half of it. We can't check our own brake lights. We can look at the brakes but not determine if they're still properly adjusted. It's not even possible without a caliper and two people. We get inspected every 15,000 miles, or after we've had to brake extra hard, or if we feel a vibration or see uneven wear (you get it).
Fifteen thousand miles. Not weekly. Weekly is a waste of time and money.
She says it's to make sure the truck is kept clean. I don't mind being compelled not to be a slob because that's good for me, but what tf-- is she going to have mechanics check to see if my bed is made? Is she going to make me go to Delaware so she can look inside?
If she has me send pictures, I can handle it. But jeez...wow.
Kate texted that Korena didn't want to talk to me. Good. I emailed Kate my situation. If she does the smart thing, I will rent a car tomorrow and leave. If they're determined to save 300 bucks, she'll either have to pay more rent while her lost revenues pile up, or lose me.
And she thinks if I let her manage my money I'd have a lot more of it.
Of course, she might not pay. In which case, I can't express how sorry I am, and hope you forgive me.
I haven't eaten today. No appetite.
Anyway just in case, you'll find everything on my kindle. I have a little left in draftkings and am in a tournament. As you know, with my luck I will win post-mortem.
I hereby leave everything I own, and grant access to all accounts to my brother Richard Edward. He can be executor if I have to have one. Please repay G if you can. G I'm sorry.
See VA about funeral. Burn me. Sprinkle my ashes somewhere. Put "Here lies Murphy" on my headstone if there is one (I don't care).
Not sure where I'll go, but I can't believe I'll just stop. Don't believe in Hell. Except here, now.
I kind of think we sort of get absorbed into what we call God or the Force or whatever, and get born again maybe. Maybe we get second and tenth and seventy fifth chances and stuff.
Did I say I was sorry? Well I am. I've said that to Korena around 400 times, and no longer mean it. The money my truck (NOT I DAMMIT) cost her is a small payback for her vicious cruelty to me when I was at my lowest point. Please see if you can use her.
She saved me from prison? I told her how! She was supposed to get my taxes done and didn't. I paid her a small fortune for it already. She uses me as a whipping boy. She tortures me. I'm sick of getting fucked over then getting blamed for getting fucked over and kicked and stomped on when I'm down. I'm sick of trying to get up again and again and again and every fucking time getting blamed for it. I APPRECIATE IT YOU FUCKING VICIOUS RELENTLESSLY CRUEL BITCH.
Well hopefully this isn't my last entry. If Kate doesn't cover me I'll call local churches. I do want to see if I win in fantasy, and to watch the Browns next season, and of course to pay all my debts.
If not, good bye.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
You Might Have Pegged It
I'd considered the possibility of ties being cut by Korena, but she kept reassuring me, with details, and I bought it.
She hasn't returned two calls or my email. So I've dug up cab companies and limos and stuff in the area and will be calling them tomorrow. Along with USA Truck.
USA is self-insured, so my CSA scores might possibly not nix me from a job. I have a very good record with them.
The trouble is, these cab companies are small; this isn't a well-populated area--opportunities in general are limited and I'm on foot please understand that.
But there is a cheaper hotel...except I'll be broke Friday and it's a long walk.
USA would be the best bet, really, if...But if I get lucky near here...God I don't get paid, probably...
Last straw is JB Hunt...
God she's got all my receipts and who knows how much bookkeeping she actually did. And it was her people who represented me and got me in non-collection status. When I try to get that shit back she'll demand what I owe her first...
Shitshitshit well I'm trying, anyway. If I'm screwed anyway, I'm just sorry man, for dragging you into this and not squaring it.
Shit like 3.5 months ago I proposed to get a job and pay her later. She wouldn't let me go. Then the leak kept going and another repair and deeper and deeper I went.
Well shit. You guys were great. God bless you. Please try to forgive me. Only a little of it was my fault. Only the not filing part. I tried.
Maybe ill get out of this, though. At least the immediate part. I'm not done yet.
Update: I've applied online to USA Truck. They didn't ask for my licence, so they'll respond. Their insurance rates for owner/ops are really low, which is scary--but they have a huge pool.
It's a tease. When they took me the first time, they had me picked up...glad I got the app in. I'll still go fishing tomorrow, but that would be a problem.
USA has an excellent lease-to-own program. The guy who started it consulted yours truly before he did.
Getting ahead of myself. Might get crushed again soon. Wish me luck.
Re-update: She emailed. Insurance completed today. She's supposed to contact me tomorrow with "travel information"...God help me.
Damn I was sort of looking forward to freedom...
She hasn't returned two calls or my email. So I've dug up cab companies and limos and stuff in the area and will be calling them tomorrow. Along with USA Truck.
USA is self-insured, so my CSA scores might possibly not nix me from a job. I have a very good record with them.
The trouble is, these cab companies are small; this isn't a well-populated area--opportunities in general are limited and I'm on foot please understand that.
But there is a cheaper hotel...except I'll be broke Friday and it's a long walk.
USA would be the best bet, really, if...But if I get lucky near here...God I don't get paid, probably...
Last straw is JB Hunt...
God she's got all my receipts and who knows how much bookkeeping she actually did. And it was her people who represented me and got me in non-collection status. When I try to get that shit back she'll demand what I owe her first...
Shitshitshit well I'm trying, anyway. If I'm screwed anyway, I'm just sorry man, for dragging you into this and not squaring it.
Shit like 3.5 months ago I proposed to get a job and pay her later. She wouldn't let me go. Then the leak kept going and another repair and deeper and deeper I went.
Well shit. You guys were great. God bless you. Please try to forgive me. Only a little of it was my fault. Only the not filing part. I tried.
Maybe ill get out of this, though. At least the immediate part. I'm not done yet.
Update: I've applied online to USA Truck. They didn't ask for my licence, so they'll respond. Their insurance rates for owner/ops are really low, which is scary--but they have a huge pool.
It's a tease. When they took me the first time, they had me picked up...glad I got the app in. I'll still go fishing tomorrow, but that would be a problem.
USA has an excellent lease-to-own program. The guy who started it consulted yours truly before he did.
Getting ahead of myself. Might get crushed again soon. Wish me luck.
Re-update: She emailed. Insurance completed today. She's supposed to contact me tomorrow with "travel information"...God help me.
Damn I was sort of looking forward to freedom...
I See No Light
I've estimated that Korena and Kate might spend a thousand bucks to avoid loaning me 300.00 for a rental car.
I've gone from being a person to being property. No smoking/cooking. Weekly I said WEEKLY truck inspections (waiting in line, wasting time...totally unnecessary overkill in response to a bunch of BULLSHIT on my CSA record.)
One restriction and obligation after another. I'm not going to be a company driver. I'm going to jail.
I wish you would understand: I owe her a lot of money. I paid her around 5,000.00 to do my books so that I COULD file my taxes, but started getting hammered and couldn't pay anymore. She put me in non-collection status. She has all my receipts. She hasn't asked for any for the last year. It's suspended. I can't pay for the bookkeeping.
She owns me. I am property. To get the forms filled out the complicated books have to get done and it's grunt work and is expensive no matter who does it.
Once I am up and rolling, I'll have to start paying for that again. Then I'll have to pay her father in law the CPA to do the filing.
So even after I've repaid Korena what I owe her, I'll have to KEEP paying for all that.
No cooking. They're afraid of stains in the truck. I'm waiting for her to forbid tea-drinking or eating. My God no company trucker in the world has to live like that. Cameras on the truck. Probably IN the truck. I have an inverter. I already know she won't let me install it. So why bother even trying to scrape up enough for a laptop?
Zero retirement. I'm 58.
Sure, my fault for not filing, my fault for obligating myself to her, but now I'm a fly in the web. I don't see where I'll ever have so much as a laptop of my own again, and even if the tax matter is resolved in the next couple years, I'll pay top dollar for the whole thing and "should be grateful".
I AM grateful to her, mostly, but know she's got access to money for emergencies, and she and Kate might just leave me out in the cold, literally, in order to make themselves and two drivers miserable to save ten percent of my last repair bill.
Well, I hate even thinking about that. It means I'm out of rope. I owe you guys all that money. But I just can't take this anymore, man! I'm in hell. No...I mean it: I'm in hell. You can't fully understand how this feels.
Maybe it will be okay. IF I can get in that truck, I can adapt and dig for awhile and get this tax crap cleared up. Ill be sixty by then, but I can get the hell away from my OWNER and have a laptop and live like a human being again. I won't try to get another truck of my own until I'm square with you guys, but by then my scores should be good and I can file simple taxes as an employee with a carrier that will let me power a laptop and not act like Big Brother.
But maybe not. Maybe they let me hang.
Well, I'm sorry. I blame myself, but also Korena and Kate. They're not reasonable, and a little insane. Only us.
You and G have been saints. What is it for you now, 9,300.00? All the bullshit I've dragged you through. How blessed I was. How shitty I feel.
But look: I'm not going to freeze to death. I'm not going to let the girls torture me any more over staying ALIVE. I'm all done doing that dance. I can't take any more of it.
My laptop is at Best Buy just west of the Ohio border near i-70 in Indiana. They couldn't fix it but I guess data can be recovered.
It's now Tuesday. I haven't slept. Could you sleep? I'm obsessing on the Browns, blogging my ass off trying for normalcy and distraction. The paperwork was supposed to have been faxed yesterday. No word. My rent runs out noon tomorrow. I've hoarded enough for hot dogs, peanuts, and rent for two more days. Friday is D-day. If I'm not gone by then, or they won't cover my rent, I'm done.
I can't. I just can't. Maybe you can use them.
I've gone from being a person to being property. No smoking/cooking. Weekly I said WEEKLY truck inspections (waiting in line, wasting time...totally unnecessary overkill in response to a bunch of BULLSHIT on my CSA record.)
One restriction and obligation after another. I'm not going to be a company driver. I'm going to jail.
I wish you would understand: I owe her a lot of money. I paid her around 5,000.00 to do my books so that I COULD file my taxes, but started getting hammered and couldn't pay anymore. She put me in non-collection status. She has all my receipts. She hasn't asked for any for the last year. It's suspended. I can't pay for the bookkeeping.
She owns me. I am property. To get the forms filled out the complicated books have to get done and it's grunt work and is expensive no matter who does it.
Once I am up and rolling, I'll have to start paying for that again. Then I'll have to pay her father in law the CPA to do the filing.
So even after I've repaid Korena what I owe her, I'll have to KEEP paying for all that.
No cooking. They're afraid of stains in the truck. I'm waiting for her to forbid tea-drinking or eating. My God no company trucker in the world has to live like that. Cameras on the truck. Probably IN the truck. I have an inverter. I already know she won't let me install it. So why bother even trying to scrape up enough for a laptop?
Zero retirement. I'm 58.
Sure, my fault for not filing, my fault for obligating myself to her, but now I'm a fly in the web. I don't see where I'll ever have so much as a laptop of my own again, and even if the tax matter is resolved in the next couple years, I'll pay top dollar for the whole thing and "should be grateful".
I AM grateful to her, mostly, but know she's got access to money for emergencies, and she and Kate might just leave me out in the cold, literally, in order to make themselves and two drivers miserable to save ten percent of my last repair bill.
Well, I hate even thinking about that. It means I'm out of rope. I owe you guys all that money. But I just can't take this anymore, man! I'm in hell. No...I mean it: I'm in hell. You can't fully understand how this feels.
Maybe it will be okay. IF I can get in that truck, I can adapt and dig for awhile and get this tax crap cleared up. Ill be sixty by then, but I can get the hell away from my OWNER and have a laptop and live like a human being again. I won't try to get another truck of my own until I'm square with you guys, but by then my scores should be good and I can file simple taxes as an employee with a carrier that will let me power a laptop and not act like Big Brother.
But maybe not. Maybe they let me hang.
Well, I'm sorry. I blame myself, but also Korena and Kate. They're not reasonable, and a little insane. Only us.
You and G have been saints. What is it for you now, 9,300.00? All the bullshit I've dragged you through. How blessed I was. How shitty I feel.
But look: I'm not going to freeze to death. I'm not going to let the girls torture me any more over staying ALIVE. I'm all done doing that dance. I can't take any more of it.
My laptop is at Best Buy just west of the Ohio border near i-70 in Indiana. They couldn't fix it but I guess data can be recovered.
It's now Tuesday. I haven't slept. Could you sleep? I'm obsessing on the Browns, blogging my ass off trying for normalcy and distraction. The paperwork was supposed to have been faxed yesterday. No word. My rent runs out noon tomorrow. I've hoarded enough for hot dogs, peanuts, and rent for two more days. Friday is D-day. If I'm not gone by then, or they won't cover my rent, I'm done.
I can't. I just can't. Maybe you can use them.
Monday, January 18, 2016
The Saga Continues
Still here. Everything is supposed to allegedly get done today.
In order to avoid paying 300.00 for my rental car, they're going to make me wait until Korena can persuade one of her drivers to go out of route to come get me.
Of course, they'll have to pay him or her extra. They might save 50 bucks.
There won't be room for all my stuff. Ill have to come back for it. Might cost me 50 bucks to store it.
For every day I'm delayed, it will cost Korena more than 300.00. The 300.00 would come out of my first check. They'll have to pay the driver extra (maybe 300.00). His delivery will be delayed. They'll pay for extra fuel and maybe tolls for me to come back for my stuff. And I'll be delayed too. She is struggling to get the driver, the driver will be unhappy, and I will be unhappy. My God.
I think Korena would cover it if she could. Kate could cover it, but she's drawn her line in the sand, and that's that.
Wow.
In order to avoid paying 300.00 for my rental car, they're going to make me wait until Korena can persuade one of her drivers to go out of route to come get me.
Of course, they'll have to pay him or her extra. They might save 50 bucks.
There won't be room for all my stuff. Ill have to come back for it. Might cost me 50 bucks to store it.
For every day I'm delayed, it will cost Korena more than 300.00. The 300.00 would come out of my first check. They'll have to pay the driver extra (maybe 300.00). His delivery will be delayed. They'll pay for extra fuel and maybe tolls for me to come back for my stuff. And I'll be delayed too. She is struggling to get the driver, the driver will be unhappy, and I will be unhappy. My God.
I think Korena would cover it if she could. Kate could cover it, but she's drawn her line in the sand, and that's that.
Wow.
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Aaahhhh$@/#($!??
Dammit! Ok well I finally got a coherent, detailed report. The truck is all set except for the insurance. Korena said it looks like I'll be leaving here Friday morning.
Thanks to my miserly hoarding, I was able to pay for one more night.
It's Wednesday.
I told Korena I was screwed. She repeated that she was broke. She says I must have a few pennies left in etrade. I don't. I haven't for three weeks.
She says she'll ask Kate for the lousy 45.00 but she doubts that she'll pay it.
No, Kate will say fuck you. Freeze to death with all your stuff I won't pay 45.00. And it's all your fault.
G said I should go to a temp agency. But this is a rural area and I'm on foot. I can't sell blood plasma either.
I'm trying to force their hand here and not call you again. But I might have to. Kate is just unbelievably cold-blooded, and even on the eve of getting me up and producing income, she might refuse to LOAN ME 45.00 she knows damn well she'll get back within 21 days. Hell, it's in the contract she herself is drawing up! I pay them 500.00/week until I'm even!
She knows Mac will wait...a little. She'll fight me every step of the way over these crumbs. She might indeed leave me high and dry.
And I might have to call you again.
What's worse is, is this place open on Saturday? If I leave Friday I won't get there til Saturday. Then what?
I told you. Somehow, some way, it would stretch out some more until I'm out of borrowed money and almost homeless again. And then I'd be tortured some more.
This became absolutely imperative when G had to go in the hole to pay my last weekly, and when I told you "this is the last time".
Unfuckingbelievable
Thanks to my miserly hoarding, I was able to pay for one more night.
It's Wednesday.
I told Korena I was screwed. She repeated that she was broke. She says I must have a few pennies left in etrade. I don't. I haven't for three weeks.
She says she'll ask Kate for the lousy 45.00 but she doubts that she'll pay it.
No, Kate will say fuck you. Freeze to death with all your stuff I won't pay 45.00. And it's all your fault.
G said I should go to a temp agency. But this is a rural area and I'm on foot. I can't sell blood plasma either.
I'm trying to force their hand here and not call you again. But I might have to. Kate is just unbelievably cold-blooded, and even on the eve of getting me up and producing income, she might refuse to LOAN ME 45.00 she knows damn well she'll get back within 21 days. Hell, it's in the contract she herself is drawing up! I pay them 500.00/week until I'm even!
She knows Mac will wait...a little. She'll fight me every step of the way over these crumbs. She might indeed leave me high and dry.
And I might have to call you again.
What's worse is, is this place open on Saturday? If I leave Friday I won't get there til Saturday. Then what?
I told you. Somehow, some way, it would stretch out some more until I'm out of borrowed money and almost homeless again. And then I'd be tortured some more.
This became absolutely imperative when G had to go in the hole to pay my last weekly, and when I told you "this is the last time".
Unfuckingbelievable
Friday, January 8, 2016
That's Right I'm Still Here
Still haven't signed the paperwork. They're still working on it. Meanwhile I'm out of money.
They confirmed the car rental would be 290.00 and started talking about flying me and shit I don't believe it. No airports or bus stations anywhere around here.
Meanwhile now it's Friday. My weekly ran out noon Wed and I put deposits down til noon today. If I'm stuck til Monday it's another weekly.
But I got a bag of Fritos and a hot dog in the fridge, so I got that goin for me...
In an hour I'll text Korena about this and try to get the rent covered if I can't pick the truck up on the weekend.
This is hell. No paperwork broke hungry desperate uncertain begging ashamed helpless worried desperate constantly.
When I tell her what's up I'm going to get bashed and insulted some more. They keep saying "I don't think you understand (all their problems)" and they keep torturing me.
Well the truck is in Nashville and the papers I need to sign are in the works. That should get done today. Then I just have to get to Nashville.
But for right now I've got to pay rent and get food money for tomorrow and Sunday.
It's 10:00 checkout is noon and ill probably have to get Mac the manager to wait.
"When what time?" He always asks I DONT KNOW.
"She's not going to pay 290.00" what the hell are they going to do to save 8% of my last repair bill or 2/3rds of a tank of fuel?
I did all the searches weeks ago. They naturally don't believe me. They think I'm lazy and a liar. They're going to find out what I found out, but they'll waste more time trying to wriggle out of the 290.00.
If I run one load for her she makes more than that. If I run that load one day later? Well? If I have to pay for another weekly it costs MORE!
They see 290.00, think it's too much, and don't reason it out beyond that. I try to point this out and get interrupted and talked over and then yelled at like I'm ranting.
God and I see it coming. I might well have to hit G up again! What if he can't do it? That's right it's YOU.
Shitshitshit this is insane. I am insane.
Update: "I don't have ANY MONEY ROBERT" "I'm 2000 negative in the bank" "Sorry I can't pay my bills either".
G will pay my weekly one last time. If I read it right, he's borrowing it. Welcome to my nightmare G.
God bless you.
PS: I'm getting life insurance (not sure how much). You're the beneficiary. In case: Take care of G (700 and some extra k?)
They confirmed the car rental would be 290.00 and started talking about flying me and shit I don't believe it. No airports or bus stations anywhere around here.
Meanwhile now it's Friday. My weekly ran out noon Wed and I put deposits down til noon today. If I'm stuck til Monday it's another weekly.
But I got a bag of Fritos and a hot dog in the fridge, so I got that goin for me...
In an hour I'll text Korena about this and try to get the rent covered if I can't pick the truck up on the weekend.
This is hell. No paperwork broke hungry desperate uncertain begging ashamed helpless worried desperate constantly.
When I tell her what's up I'm going to get bashed and insulted some more. They keep saying "I don't think you understand (all their problems)" and they keep torturing me.
Well the truck is in Nashville and the papers I need to sign are in the works. That should get done today. Then I just have to get to Nashville.
But for right now I've got to pay rent and get food money for tomorrow and Sunday.
It's 10:00 checkout is noon and ill probably have to get Mac the manager to wait.
"When what time?" He always asks I DONT KNOW.
"She's not going to pay 290.00" what the hell are they going to do to save 8% of my last repair bill or 2/3rds of a tank of fuel?
I did all the searches weeks ago. They naturally don't believe me. They think I'm lazy and a liar. They're going to find out what I found out, but they'll waste more time trying to wriggle out of the 290.00.
If I run one load for her she makes more than that. If I run that load one day later? Well? If I have to pay for another weekly it costs MORE!
They see 290.00, think it's too much, and don't reason it out beyond that. I try to point this out and get interrupted and talked over and then yelled at like I'm ranting.
God and I see it coming. I might well have to hit G up again! What if he can't do it? That's right it's YOU.
Shitshitshit this is insane. I am insane.
Update: "I don't have ANY MONEY ROBERT" "I'm 2000 negative in the bank" "Sorry I can't pay my bills either".
G will pay my weekly one last time. If I read it right, he's borrowing it. Welcome to my nightmare G.
God bless you.
PS: I'm getting life insurance (not sure how much). You're the beneficiary. In case: Take care of G (700 and some extra k?)
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