Insecurity

I never got the last 300 of the 1000 I stipulated.  I was hoping to just let Korri keep it, but the new truck is taking longer than we'd hoped.

A couple nights ago, I knew it would bleed into next week, so I emailed, and made the mistake of putting "I'm a person too" in the subject line.

I was trying to walk on eggshells, and be diplomatic about it.  I explained that I had hoped not to ask for anything more, but now needed it for a weekly rent which would save me over 100.00.  I said I'd need it by yesterday, when I was due to get kicked out again.

They both blasted me.  I was trying to make Korena feel guilty.  I was a crybaby.  I should be grateful.

See I made the additional mistake of wallowing in empathy and gratitude in the email, since all I hear from them is "because of you" and "I don't think you do" so I got all sappy.

It doesn't matter , what I say or do or try to do.  Kate literally despises me.  I've never experienced that much hatred from another human being, including my boxing days and my 2.5 years as a c.o.

So yesterday I got 100.00.  Korena said that Kate would take care of me today.

Didn't happen.  And as I predicted in my email, I had to beg for the remaining 200 again today.

And I KNEW it would be like this when I didn't get the whole 1000 last week.  Getting the rest would be like pulling teeth, and it would come down to 2 more days of Raman noodles followed by a near eviction before I...

Crap this has been my life.  Yeah ok I'm whining again and I owe her and she's doing a ton of stuff for me but what do I do Rob a bank?  What choice do I have huh?  I'm at the food and shelter level and have to fight for even the crumbs left over from my truck.

She needs me to get her money back, and when my truck was running I was probably her best producer/financial asset.  If I ever suggested that to her she'd tell me I was average, just out of reflex-just to keep me in my place.

She said she'd get the 200 put on my card tomorrow morning.  I said "ok tx".  She responded "sure", instead of "welcome".  Like I'm not really grateful.  Jesus (not a curse-an appeal).

Freaking Chinese water torture.

Well once I get running again Korena will like me again, and Kate will downgrade her hatred to disdain eventually.

The hotel guy accepted a deposit and will work with me.  I hope that tomorrow come 11:00 I don't have to beg and get insulted again, but reckon I will.  And it will probably be only 100, so I get to look forward to some more of that Monday.

Yeah try to sleep at night with that shit.