My Name is Toby

It's thursday, and the truck is supposed to be finished tomorrow.  I will have about 500.00 left.  I won't get paid this week, so I have to make that last 2 weeks.

Meanwhile, on the 25th I have to beg Sprint to put off my (incredible) 188.00 bill for as long as possible.

Don't forget the approximately 1100.00 I'm 5 months overdue on for my mailbox and with Nevada, and my 100.00 monthly payment on my defaulted dental debt.

Did I mention that I've been filling a rotten tooth with "water weld" for the last 7 months?

I will sneak my 12-volt cooler back into the truck (shhh) and save myself a bunch on food.

When I go back, she will lecture me on my terrible attitude, how the inside of HER TRUCK is a "disaster area" she is ashamed of people seeing (bullshit.  It's not up to Felix Unger's standards, but it's closer to that than Oscar Madison's.  She goes past the front and "inspects" my personal space in the sleeper.  On this whole fucking planet, I can't even have that little cubby-hole to myself).

Three years and three months, and I'm deeper in debt and minus my trucker GPS...

She won't have a Cab Card for me again.  This was the fifth time I've been in deep trouble for not having one.  The first two times, she screamed at me that my registration was my cab card and argued with the DOT cops too.

EVERY over the road truck in the US is issued a cab card.  The cab card lists the states the truck is apportioned (allowed to operate) in.

The DRIVER is responsible for this document, and I can just about guarantee you that she will tell me, once again, that I will get it later, and send me out there to get in trouble yet AGAIN.

I will start to say that this is unaccep--and she will instantly start screaming at me again.

Oh, and she will also probably forbid me to park at any American Legions in the future (you recall, she dictates where I park overnight, too right?)

Normally, her insults and accusations are all delusional lies, but now, finally, I caused this damage to her truck and she has that on me, which is very, very bad for me...I can't even defend myself any more.

To top it off, I will be paying the 8500.00 off in weekly installments.  If I went deeper in debt in over three years in HER TRUCK, what hope is left to me now?

Without my laptop, I can't play Cid Meier's Civ 5, and I live a life of quiet desperation.  So I (shh) park near bars sometimes to escape this cage.

In that hotel room in PA where I tried to check out the first time, I was eating Raman Noodles, 1.00 hot dogs at the Speedway, and 1.00 burgers at McDonalds, and each and every week being told to vacate my room before my rent was finally paid (usually a day or two late).

I won't go back there.  I have no home.  No apartment or house.  None of those expenses.  I should be able to find some solace drinking some beer and blogging about my Cleveland Browns a few nights a week...

On my PERSONAL time.  On my TIME OFF-DUTY.  In what is supposed to be a fucking free country, in which slavery is illegal.

I was calling the Salvation Army and churches trying to find someplace else in that room 3 years and 3 months ago.

It's not that bad this time, except my future looks even worse.

I'm going to Mitchell's for Happy Hour today to blog about the Browns, and tomorrow will go back to hell. If she's not too vicious or nasty, I won't kill myself in HER TRUCK right then.

I'll get back on that hampster wheel and my life of quiet desperation and unneccessary stress without a cab card or fuel on weekends...

I'll do that until I lose my mailbox or phone service or go hungry, and then I will decide not to wake up again.

In case that happens suddenly, I'll text a link to this site to my peeps.  The digits I'll send will be my First National Bank (FNB) card number, the pin to my I-phone, and stuff like that.

My possessions aren't worth fighting over, but for what it's worth, I want my brother Richard Edward to get all of it.

Ed, I know you're not litigeous, but a good lawyer might find enough here for you to go after Korena, as she is why I haven't been able to pay you what I owe you.

But I was serious when I said that she has no moral compass or sense of right and wrong: it is possible that she will try to collect the balance of what I owe her from YOU.

At the very least, you can use what's in here to fight her.

I'm sorry, E.  Driving for anybody else I've ever driven for, you'd have had your money back in 6 months.

I'd have had Cid Meier and not stop at bars so much.  I'd have hired a tax lawyer and...well no sense dwelling on it (now I am depressed!)

But you see why I am almost as glad to be hurting my owner as I am saddened to have let you down.

Most likely, this isn't my last entry.